Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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