Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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