Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
