Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
