At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Less talking, more tequila
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
