You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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