I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
