I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
