he puts the penis in happiness.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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