Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
