well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
