I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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