the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
