By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
