Porn is love you can see.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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