sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
