First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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