I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
