I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
