kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
