you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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