There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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