My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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