just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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