Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
