Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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