Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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