I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
