just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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