Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
