I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
