My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
