And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
