I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
