When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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