dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
