Where are you?
In a non slutty way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
