Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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