I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
