You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
