just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
