Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
