Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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