If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
