I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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