i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal