I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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