I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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