my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?