90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
