He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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