she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
