Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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