Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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