My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
