My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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