I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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