maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
