I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
