I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
