apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
