I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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