I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
