Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
