So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
