I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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