look no pants
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
