i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
