there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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