He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
