I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
