well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
