Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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