You're a womanizer and a bitch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
