Why are handjobs necessary in class?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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