just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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