Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was like eating out sand paper
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
