I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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